I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I made him laugh his dick is mine
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
