Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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