I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
