The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
