There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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