I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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