On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
