if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
