At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
