is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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