The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
