just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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