I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
