I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
