he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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