i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
