I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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