It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
