I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
