Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
