3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
