Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
