nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
