You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
