I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
