At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
