my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
