Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
