love makes seman taste better
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
