You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
