You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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