we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
