He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
