Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
