So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
