They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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