I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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