If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wear drunk well.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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