I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize