yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
