After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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