I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
