I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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