You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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