I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
