I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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