How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
