u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
