So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
