I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's never too late to be topless.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
