Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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