I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
