i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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