the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
