the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had sex on a roof
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
