the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
