Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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