i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
