My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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