The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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