you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
