This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
