i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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