what day is it and did you see me today?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
