There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
