I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
