I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
