before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
