My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this just has baby written all over it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
