I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
