You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
