it's like iHOP with fire
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
