I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
