on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
