They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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