as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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