areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I pour the whiskey from now on
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
