youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
