Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
